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Upon returning to the great hall where the Fellowship and invited guests were presently continuing their revelry into the night, Arwen learnt that it was no easy thing for a Queen to preside over celebration that gave her no joy. How could she after glimpsing the future in Galadriel's mirror? Even as she took her place next to her lord, her heart was pounding so hard beneath her breast she feared that he might hear it through the din of chattering voices around her. The memory of what she had seen preyed heavily upon her thoughts. In the sea of voices around her, oblivious to the nightmare that was unfolding in the future, beginning with the slumber of her unborn infant inside her body, Arwen felt terribly alone.
If not for Eowyn’s comforting support during the course of the evening, Arwen did not think she would have been able to maintain the mask of the gracious queen she wore for the benefit of those around her. Galadriel had chosen to withdraw for the evening, with Gimli acting as escort. The dwarf had never quite overcome his infatuation for her grandmother and Arwen was certain that on some level, his adoration amused Galadriel. Her father and Gandalf were conversing about matters of great importance in the realm no doubt as Lords and Wizards tended to do when coming together.
Arwen was glad that Elrond was not paying his daughter close attention, for he would have been able to sense her distress just as Aragorn would. Fortunately the King's attention was occupied with the company of his old friends. Arwen knew if he were to observe her closely, Arwen would not able to hide the true depth of her anguish because like her, he would surely know that there was something terribly wrong with his beloved. She longed to tell Estel of this danger that threatened their child, to feel his strong arms about her and hear him speak bravely that nothing would harm either her or the babe while there was breath in his body to prevent it.
Arwen knew that he would be true to his word. He would put his life before hers and their child and as surely as she had seen it come to pass in Galadriel’s mirror, Arwen knew that he would die because of it. The thought of his life being cut short, taken from her so soon before they even had a chance to live a lifetime together was more than she could stand and it stilled her wish to tell him. Galadriel was right; while the Enemy required her child for his dark purposes, Arwen was the only one who was safe from him. One who was powerful enough to draw the dark lord Melkor from the void was more than capable of killing the King of Gondor and Arwen would not let that happen. With as much conviction that Aragorn would protect her, Arwen would not risk his life.
The maiden Immoen known throughout Gondor as the finest songstress in the land was now performing for her King and his guests. Her voice was a sweet melody that captured the hearts of all that listened. As she sang her songs of love and courage enduring through all things, Arwen's gaze touched that of her husband. His hand fell across hers, squeezing tightly as the full measure of his feelings expressed themselves silently to her in his eyes. Arwen knew that in that one instant that he was finally happy with his life in a manner that he had not felt since his coronation. Her heart soared at this knowledge but also plunged realizing that her course was now clearer than it had ever been.
This quest that lay before her was hers to fulfill alone. She could not risk him under any circumstances.
However, was it fair that she risked Eowyn's life as well? The Lady of Ithilien had pledged her life and her sword to her queen. As much as Arwen wanted her aid in this journey she would soon make, Arwen feared that Eowyn could be in as much peril as Aragorn. She cherished Eowyn as much as she loved her Estel and knew that in facing the Enemy, Eowyn would be vulnerable. The lives of men were so terribly short. If Arwen were to die in this quest, she would do so with the knowledge that she had a good long life as measured by Men and she was satisfied with the joy she had experienced. It was not so for Men whose lives were a star burning hot and bright but short. If Eowyn were to come to any harm, Arwen knew she would spend much of her existence from that fateful day regretting it, And yet she did need the help. What was she to do?
As the night progressed, she debated this question deeply and as the King engaged his old friends in conversation, Arwen noticed that Frodo Baggins was seated alone for a time, choosing to watch with a smile the Fellowship together, without participating himself. She stared at him for a moment, realising at that instant how much older he appeared from their last meeting. His face was as youthful as ever but his eyes, they had seen too much of the world and been marked forever by it. Arwen suddenly realized that if there was one person who might be able to aid her in her decision regarding Eowyn; it was the Ring Bearer.
After all, he had once made the same choice.
"You do not join in Frodo," Arwen said as she took the seat next to his, following his gaze as he watched Merry telling the most animated tale involving Farmer Maggot and tainted brew.
"I join in my own way, your highness," Frodo smiled pleasantly at her. "I found that one of life's pleasures is to watch ones friends at their best and keeping the memory to sustain you in the dark times."
"It is a good habit," she agreed and supposed he would have done that quite a bit during his journey to Mordor to dispose of the One Ring.
"And are you excited at your news?" Frodo asked, aware that he had not had much time to spend in her company since arriving here.
To him, Arwen would always be that wondrous creature that had stepped into his delirious mind when the blade of the Nazghul had almost forced him into shadow. She was then and was still, the most beautiful woman he had ever cast his eyes upon and although he would never speak it out loud, there was a part of Frodo that would always be a little in love with the Elven queen. How fortunate a man was Aragorn that she adored him so and Frodo felt gratified that the king appreciated her as the jewel she was.
"Yes," she replied attempting to sound as happy as a woman in her condition should be but it was a difficult façade to portray in light of what she knew about her child's fate. "I am terribly happy."
Frodo detected a flicker in her eyes of something undefinable but could not be certain of its cause and thought it rude to inquire after it, if she did not wish to tell him. "What would you wish for, a boy or a girl? I know it is tradition that you should want a boy but what are your feelings personally?"
Arwen swallowed thickly, never imagining that such simple questions asked so innocently could be the cause of such pain. It slashed at her, the hope in his voice, when she knew that this child was doomed to be a scourge if she failed in her mission. "I only hope that my child is born safely. I care not which gender he is though I think it will be a boy."
"Arwen," Frodo stared at her sensing melancholy in her words. "Is something wrong?"
"No," she smiled sadly, brushing away her sadness. "Frodo, if I were to ask you a question, would you be able to answer me honestly?"
The intensity in which she imparted the query took him back somewhat but he could never deny her anything. "Of course, we are friends and friends are honest with one another. Ask what you may and I will try to answer."
Arwen took a deep breath to steady herself for his answer, no matter how unpleasant it was. "When you left the others bound for Mordor on your own, why did you take Sam with you?"
The question surprised him and he had to confess, it was one that had not been asked of him before. He remember his thoughts at the time and how Galadriel’s Mirror had shown the consequences of failure if the One Ring were to return to Sauron’s hands. He thought about how Boromir had stared at the One Ring, thinking it a way to secure his people’s safety unaware that it was already swirling tendrils of darkness within his mind in readiness to take him. Boromir was a good man and an equally good friend. Until his attempt to take the ring, he had fought bravely along side the rest of them and after he had come to his senses, had died to protect Merry and Pippin.
After he had fled from the Fellowship, he had thought about how Boromir had succumbed and knew that it was not his fault. The One Ring was seductive and Boromir whose lands stood on the periphery of Mordor knew better than most what it was like to fight Sauron’s forces. If it had taken him first, it was only because he had the most reason to need it. Frodo had left because he had no wish to see the rest of the Fellowship suffer the same fate . However Sam had not given him a choice because his loyal servant was also a faithful friend and he could not deny that he was afraid to proceed onwards to Mordor alone. Still, there had been moments during that journey when Frodo had considered leaving Sam.
"I wanted to leave him behind," Frodo answered after a long pause, remembering that the point of all this had originated from Arwen’s question. "I did not wish to risk him as the others were risked but then he followed me, giving me no choice in the matter. I suppose I could have left him behind if I really wanted to but I think I was afraid that when I stared into the fires of Mount Doom when the time came to destroy the ring, I might not be able to. However, if Sam were there, he would see to it that I did what I had to. As it turned out, it was fortunate that he was with me."
"But how did you know that the One Ring might not influence him?" Arwen asked giving a short glance at Sam who was at the moment, seated next to his wife Rosie as Gimli told them tales of the Glittering Caves and his new home.
"Sam’s heart is purer than mine and I do think stronger. He thinks of practical things and when his course is set, he does not think about all the things that may go wrong or what dangers lie on the path ahead. He can only see the end of the journey. It is good to have a friend like that sometimes for he helps to keep you from straying from your purpose." Frodo concluded.
"What about the danger?" Arwen probed further. "Did you not worry that his life might have been endangered? That he might have fallen into shadow?"
There was a feeling of desperation to her questions that unsettled Frodo greatly and he wondered as to their purpose. However, he answered her nonetheless. "I worried about it at length but I also knew that I would not be able to convince Sam to abandon me nor did I have the right to force my will upon what was ultimately his choice."
Arwen shifted her gaze to Eowyn who showed no signs of worrying over what they would soon be embarking upon as she sat at Faramir’s side, listening to Merry and Pippin’s tales. Frodo was right of course but hearing his words did give her comfort at the choice to take Eowyn with her on this perilous quest.
"I suppose in the end, that is all that truly matters is it not?" She sighed softly.
"Arwen," Frodo said seriously. "You are troubled and this question does not seem to be in keeping with mere conversation. What is wrong?"
"I cannot tell you Frodo," she whispered softly. "And I beg you to keep what we have discussed between us. I have reasons for remaining silent which I cannot impart to you now but it is of the gravest urgency that you obey me in this, if you care at all for me or for Elessar."
"You need never beg anything of me Arwen," Frodo answered earnestly but the fear he saw in Arwen’s eyes was real and it made him question the sensibility of his agreement to her request. There were secrets that could kill, even those shrouded in the best of intentions.
"Thank you Frodo," she smiled wanly and knew that despite questioning its prudence, Frodo would keep his word and her confidence.
They spoke no more of secrets but it weighed heavily upon their minds until the evening ended and Arwen retired, leaving Frodo with anxious questions and terrible sense of foreboding that he may yet to regret what he had promised her this night.
