THE LONG JOURNEY HOME

That evening Sam sat within the study at the desk writing in Bilbo’s book. Time and again Sam would look away from his writing down to the floor where Lily slept. She had not moved since Sam had left her side that morning. Sam turned back each time and let out a sigh and continued on with his writing. Many hours passed and Sam soon grew tired. He closed up the book and blew out the candle on the desk. Sam stood up from the chair and turned around to look at Lily. She was lying there with her eyes open.

"Sam?" She whispered quietly.

Sam’s eyes teared and a smile came to his face. He went to Lily and knelt down at her side.

"I’m here." Sam replied taking her hand in his. "How are you feeling."

"Worn." Lily said softly. She then reached up and touched Sam’s face.

"It has been so long." Lily replied. "It is so good to see you again."

"And you." Sam said with a smile. "You have had us worried for quite some time."

"Worried?" Lily replied. "But why?"

Sam was quiet for a moment and then he let out a deep sigh.

"Well," Sam began. "About six days ago I left for Bree with Merry and Pippin. Once we got there we heard of the death of your uncle." Sam replied. "One of the men there said that you had left on the very night we set out. They had sent your cousin for you but he came back unable to find you. I couldn’t bare the thought of you out there in the cold alone so I decided that we should go and find you. I had a feeling you may try to come here so when we lost your tracks we rode as fast as our ponies would carry us back here. It wasn’t until last night when you showed up tumbling in the back door unconscious. It was just too cold for you to have been out there all that time."

"That it was." Lily replied. "My heart was full of so much pain that I couldn’t bare to stay in Bree a moment longer. That is when I decided to come back here to see Frodo."

"Frodo?" Sam replied rather confused.

"Yes." Lily answered. "For a moment I thought you were Frodo sitting there at the desk. It wasn’t until you turned around that I seen it was you."

Sam didn’t know what to say. He thought Lily knew Frodo had left. It was written in the letter that Frodo had written. Then it became clear. Frodo had never given Lily the letter. Sam had only assumed it was a copy that Frodo had never thrown away. His heart grew heavy. He just couldn’t bear to break Lily’s heart again. Lily looked around the room and then out the door. The face she so longed to see wasn’t anywhere to be found.

"Where is he Sam?" Lily said with a whisper. "Where is Frodo?"

Sam drew in a deep breath.

"He’s gone." Sam replied softly.

"Gone?!" Lily replied. "What do you mean?"

"He’s left the Shire and went away over the sea to the Grey Havens." Sam answered. "Did he not tell you he was leaving?"

Lily looked to Sam, her eyes wet with tears. She shook her head slowly from side to side and let out a yell hiding her face under her arm in a veil of tears. Hearing the noise Merry and Pippin came running into the room followed by Rose. They looked at Sam sitting down on the floor at Lily’s side. Sam seeing them come inside stood up and walked over to them.

"What is wrong?" Rose replied quietly.

"Well she is awake." Sam replied. "But she didn’t know."

"Didn’t know what?" Merry said softly.

"That Frodo was gone." Sam replied. "She came all this way just to see him."

"Oh no." Rose whispered. "Didn’t he tell her?"

"No." Sam replied softy. "He did not. Come, let us leave her for now." Sam said showing everyone out the door. Just then Lily sat up.

"Sam no!" She shouted. "Don’t go."

Sam turned around and came back to Lily as everyone else left the room. He stood at her side as her tears continued to fall.

"When?" Lily replied quietly. "When did he go?"

"It wasn’t more than three days after returning home from his journey with you." Sam replied.

"But why didn’t he tell me?" Lily said drying her tears. "He never said he wanted to leave the Shire in all the time I was here."

"It wasn’t until you were gone when he realized he couldn’t stay in the Shire any longer." Sam replied. "I myself never knew why he really wanted to leave until a few weeks after he was gone." Sam then stood up and made his way to the desk. He opened up a small drawer and pulled out the note Frodo had written. He came back to Lily with the note in his hand.

"Here, read this." Sam replied handing her the paper.

With trembling hands Lily unfolded the paper and read the words Frodo had wrote. When she was finished she closed it and looked at Sam.

"I hurt him Sam." Lily whispered. "I should have never left."

"It is not your fault." Sam replied sitting down on Frodo’s bed. "You knew you couldn’t stay here in the Shire forever and I think Frodo knew that too. He just had grown so fond of you as I know you did of him." Sam said softly. He then reached under his shirt and pulled out Frodo’s gem. He pulled the chain up over his head and took it off holding it in his hand.

"He left this too." Sam said walking over to Lily. He held out his hand and Lily held hers under his. Sam turned his hand over and Frodo’s necklace fell into Lily’s hand. Lily closed her fingers tightly over the gem as she looked to Sam with tear filled eyes.

"He left it behind knowing that where he was going he wouldn’t need it anymore. The only thing he bore with him when he sailed away was the very necklace you left for him upon his return. That is yours now. Keep it with you always."

Lily closed her hand upon the necklace and a smile came to her face. She embraced Sam and held him close.

"Thank you." Lily replied softly. She then took the necklace from her hand and placed it over her head. "This may be the only thing I have left of him Sam, but he will always be in my heart."

"Just as he said of you." Sam replied quietly. He then watched as Lily held the gem in between her fingers watching as the fire shone upon it. She then tucked it under her shirt and turned to Sam. His face seemed deeply saddened.

"You miss him don’t you Sam." Lily said quietly.

"That I do." Sam replied. "It seems as if a part of me is missing without him here."

Lily sat quiet for a moment looking back to the fire. She pulled her knees to her chest and sat her chin upon them. A deep sigh passed her lips. Just then Merry came to the doorway and knocked. Lily turned to the door and seen him there holding something behind his back.

"What is it Merry?" Sam replied.

"Pardon the interruption Sam, but Rose thought Lily might like to have these." Merry replied coming into the room. He took his hands out from behind his back and held out Lily’s shawl and knapsack. A smile came to her face.

"Here you are." Merry said handing Lily her things. She laid them at her side and took Merry in her arms embracing him tightly whispering many thanks.

"If it wasn’t for Merry we would have never found your bag." Sam replied.

Lily let Merry go and he straightened out his clothes with a smile.

"And Sam found your shawl." Merry replied. "He kept it close to him all the way home."

Lily looked to them both and smiled.

"I can’t thank you enough." Lily replied. "These things mean everything to me. They’re all I have left from my stay here and at my uncle’s." Lily then yawned and stretched. She was growing tired.

"Would you like a bit of rest?" Sam replied. "You can come and lie on the bed if you like." Sam said standing up."

"I would." Lily replied. "Though I just woke up I still feel as if I haven’t slept in weeks." Lily then began to stand up. Her legs felt weak and she almost fell back. Merry came rushing to her side and took her arm.

"You can lean on me if you need." Merry replied. "I’ll help you to the bed."

"Thank you." Lily replied placing her hand on Merry’s shoulder. He held her around her waist and by the arm as she made her way to the bed. She sat down and pulled her legs up onto the bed. Sam couldn’t help but notice how weak she seemed.

"Are you well?" Sam asked as he covered Lily with a blanket.

"I’m afraid not." Lily replied softly. "It appears my old wounds never really seemed to heal."

"I wonder why." Sam replied softly. "You seemed well when you left."

"I’m not really sure Sam." Lily sighed. "After I came home I began to grow weak. Maybe I just need more rest and perhaps then I will be well once again."

"Perhaps." Sam said with a smile. "But I should leave you now for you and I need some rest. I will see you with the ‘morrow Lily."

"That you will." Lily said pulling her covers close. "Goodnight Samwise and sleep well."

"And you." Sam replied. He then closed the door leaving Lily to sleep.

With the light of the new morning Sam awoke and went to see Lily. He opened the door to the study and found her still sleeping. He walked inside and sat down in a chair beside the bed. When Sam sat down it creaked with old age and Lily opened her eyes.

"Hello Sam." Lily replied with a yawn. "Did you sleep well?"

"That I did." Sam said smiling. "It has been quite a few nights since I’ve had a good rest."

Lily stretched and then sat up in the bed. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and put her feet down on the floor. She sat there looking around the room and then she looked back at Sam.

"Nothing has changed since I left." Lily replied.

"Quite right." Sam said looking around. "I intend to leave it just as Frodo did the day he left. It makes me feel like a part of him is still here when I come into the room."

"That it does." Lily replied softly. She then grew silent and sat looking off into the distance. Sam looked to her with concern. She no longer seemed the same as she had been when she was last in the Shire. He had so many questions he wished to ask about while she was gone but he couldn’t seem to force them past his lips. For an hour he sat silent and then a deep sigh passed his lips.

"Lily." Sam said quietly. "If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your uncle."

For a moment Lily did not answer but the words soon found their way to her mouth.

"He had stood at the east gate every night while I was away hoping I would return. Not even the rain would keep him away. I saw him there when I returned and I came to him running into his open arms. Just a few weeks later he fell ill. Everyone said it was from him staying out in rain and the snow so often while I was away." Lily replied with a tremble in her voice. "I sat with him by his side every night hoping he would come around. Then one day I came to his room and he had passed. His breath was still and his body cold. It hurt so much losing him after being away from him so long. If only I had come home sooner, I kept telling myself, then he would still be alive."

"It’s not your fault dear Lily." Sam replied placing his hand on hers. "These things are meant to happen at their chosen time."

"But it is." Lily replied. "If I had come home when I should have he wouldn’t have become so ill. When he died I just couldn’t bare the thought of being left alone once more so I took a horse from the stables and headed here. I had been riding for almost a day when I fell from the horse. She bolted away so I started the rest of the way on foot. Then it began to snow. It was so cold out and I couldn’t seem to remember the way. I remember dropping my knapsack somewhere in a field but the snow was coming down so hard I couldn’t see where it had fallen. I can barely remember what happened from then on, but I recall coming up to the back door here and then falling down. From then on I remember nothing until I woke last night."

"You had opened your eyes the night we brought you in." Sam replied. "But you seemed to see things far away and didn’t realize I was here. You were calling out for Frodo."

Lily was silent looking away as if trying to find a lost memory. She then turned to Sam as a sigh passed by her lips.

"I remember now." Lily said looking into Sam’s eyes. "His face had appeared in my dream and then it seemed to fade away. That is when I called his name."

Sam let out a sigh.

"It seems we have both lost so much within these few short months." Sam replied softly.

"We have." Lily said looking down at Sam. "But now we have each other."

That evening Sam sat before the fire in the den with Merry and Pippin. Merry was once again reading through Bilbo’s book and Pippin was catching a nap in a chair. Sam then heard a door creak open and he stood up from his chair. He looked down the hall and seen Lily peeking out of the study door.

"Could you come and help me Sam." Lily replied. "I’m feeling a bit weak in the legs."

"That I will." Sam replied coming to Lily. She stepped out of the study and placed her hand on Sam’s shoulder. "Would you like to come and sit with us near the fire?" Sam asked.

"I would love that." Lily said looking down at Sam. He then led her into the den and took her to Frodo’s empty chair. She sat down slowly and let out a sigh.

"So many memories." Lily replied.

"Yes. There have been many fond memories shared with Frodo from that very spot." Sam replied as he sat down. He looked at Lily and noticed she seemed bent and worn. She seemed happy though. She looked down at Merry sitting on the floor and Pippin snoring away in his chair. She smiled and looked down at her hands lying in her lap. She rubbed them as if they ached and then she sat quiet.

"Lily." Sam said quietly. "It troubles me knowing you came all the way here with as weak as you are. How did you ever manage?"

Lily looked up at Sam and gave a soft laugh.

"Well I never thought I’d lose my horse." Lily replied. "Then I left in such a hurry from Bree that I forgot to bring my crutch my cousin Rowin had made for me. It was very useful in helping me get around."

"What a walk it must have been." Sam said.

"That it was Sam." Lily replied in return. "I kept falling in the snow and I could barely manage to get back to my feet again. There were a few times I just wanted to lie there and never get up again but I would think of Frodo and I would get to my feet once more. If it wasn’t for my longing to see Frodo I don’t think I would have ever made it." Lily replied softly.

"It just hurts me that your journey was in vain when you found Frodo was not here." Sam replied.

"It was not in vain." Lily said quietly. "You were still here as was Rose. And it was a surprise to see dear Merry and Pippin who I only seen but a few times while I was last here." Lily then grew quiet. She took out Frodo’s necklace and smiled.

"But Frodo is still here." Lily said placing her hand over her heart smiling.