A Delightful Story of Two Boys, a Girl-and a Guy!

First appeared in School Friend Annual 1953 published by the Fleetway Press (lovingly re-created by Paul Edmund Norman)

CHAPTER 1 JUST LIKE A GIRL

Girls take a lot of understanding, and I can't say I've given a lot of time to them. I'm not really dead set against girls -not as my pal Archie Wiles is, for instance; but they don't seem to have any lives of their own. They interfere. They find out what boys are doing, and then join in - if we let them.

Of course, girls are good-hearted and all that, and awfully loyal if they take a liking to a chap. For instance - the girl who lives next door to me, Sue Sonning.

Sue's a nice girl, friendly; and she has a pleasant kind of grin; but every now and then she can't mind her own business, or else she hasn't any to mind.

Take Guy Fawkes night - or rather day. My pal, Archie Wiles, and I had fixed a really smashing guy in my garden shed.

"It's going to be really good, Hugh," Archie decided, standing back and squinting at it. "We can glue on that false nose and moustache - and then we need a hat. How about one of your uncle's - that old green thing, eh?"

(I live with my Uncle George and Aunt Jane as my own people are touring the States - they're on the stage.)

"My uncle's green hat?" I said, aghast. "Not on your life, old man! Why, that's his favourite hat!" 

We argued about it, and eventually Archie, rather sulkily, said he would try to bag one of his dad's.

"I'll go and get it now," he said.

But as he turned he hesitated; an idea had struck him.

"You haven't said anything about this to that girl next door?" he asked suspiciously.

"Sue?" I said. "Of course not. We agreed that it was to be kept a secret."

"Good," said Archie. "We don't want a girl muscling in on this will silly ideas - "

Ne broke off and looked at the garden fence, and by the expression on his face I knew what was the matter: Sue.

There she was, grinning over the fence, as cheery as ever.

"I've got something for you," she said in a whisper. "For the guy".

Archie reeled.

"So - -so you know about it?" he said, and gave me a dirty look.

"Of course I know about it," said Sue in surprise. "Considering you've been running in and out of that shed with a blown-up football bladder, a false moustache , a sack of straw, two broom handles and a broken cane chair, I'd have to be half-witted not to guess what you're up to on Guy Fawkes Day."

She has a crisp way of putting things sometimes; very direct.

"This is a 'boys-only' guy," retorted Archie in his firmest tones.

Sue sniffed.

"Only boys could be guys. I didn't think you'd made a guy of a girl, naturally. But I've got some things for it to wear. I go and get them - they're just right," she said.

She darted back into her house and I frowned at Archie.

"No backing out now," I said. "She knows."

"She knows less than she thinks," Archie answered shortly. "We'll take this guy to the field right away and put it near the bonfire. There may be some chaps to keep an eye on it, or you can stand by."

We had to take it to the field, anyway, as Uncle George wouldn't allow it in the garden.

"H'm. It's a bit pointed, running out on her," I demurred.

"Then I wash my hands of it," said Archie loftily. "Once girls start meddling with fireworks and guys, we've had it. Come on - let's go."

I was keen on that guy, and I didn't want to quarrel with Archie. After all, Sue was muscling in.

With no more ado, therefore, I took one end of the broomsticks, and Archie took the other. Draping the guy with an old car rug because it wasn't quite finished, we took the thing at smart speed from the gate, and then across to one of the fields opposite.

It was slickly done, and I didn't think Sue saw us.

Anyway, we dumped the guy near the hedge where it couldn't be seen from her house, and Archie skipped off home to get the guy's hat and coat.

Some of our chaps were not far away, letting off crackers. (It was a half-holiday - a piece of luck we don't get often).

I had been there, waiting for Archie, for about five minutes when I heard a voice calling from over the hedge. Sue again!

"Hugh - your AUnt is asking for you," she called. She turned away and I hesitated. I couldn't take the guy with me, and I didn't want to draw her attention to it. As I could skip home in a minute, I decided to go; because me aunt warms upa bit if I don't go when she calls.

Back I went swiftly, before she could see the guy, and beat Sue to it; for she wasn't in sight when I reached the road. I went straight into the house and called to aunt.

"You wanted me, aunt?" I asked.

Aunt Jane seemed surprised to see me.

"No, Hugh," she said. "Sue was asking for you, and so I asked our daily help if she had seen you, but I did ask SUe to tell you not to be late if she met you - "

In a flash, I realised it was a "fix". Sue had called me to send me home. Why? I guessed it in one - she had designs on the guy.

That's a girl all over - she has to have her own way. While I was in the house she was dressing up our guy the way she wanted, and by a dodge she had sent me off stage, deserting my post.

Was I mad! I went dashing back, just in time to see Archie halted at the edge of the field.

He was talking to someone - our headmaster - known to us by the nickname of Wilfie.

Wilfie is a bit pompous at the best of times; inclined to be podgy and important; but there are times when he looks thunderous, and gets a "whip-'em-quick" look in his eye. He had that look now.

"Jenkins," he barked at me. "Are you responsible for that - er - guy in this field?"

"Why - er - yes, sir," I faltered.

Archie gave me a frowning, rather scared look.

"I helped make it, sir," he said. "It's not against the rules, is it?"

The Head thundered.

"It is against the rules, as you must well know, to hold your headmaster up to public ridicule and contempt," he said. "It is the most disgraceful effigy I have seen, and although there is no facial resemblance there can be no doubt in any onlooker's mind whom it is intended to represent."

He stepped back so that we could enter the field. Then he flung his arm dramatically and pointed to the guy.

It was our guy all right, same face, moustache and false nose - and same chair and broom handles, but --

But there was an addition. On top of the head was a mortar-board, and draped round the guy instead of a rug was a schoolmaster's gown!

CHAPTER II